Category: divorce mediation

When people work together through mediation, they can focus on meeting the interests and needs of their family, rather than “settling” their property. This opens up all kinds of creative possibilities including what to do with their home.

Many couples hope to keep their home. For some, it is important to keep their children in the same home and neighborhood, at least during the transition of the divorce. Others have put a great deal of work and effort into their home and one or the other would really like to keep it and live there. Still others are concerned about the financial investment and determining the best timing for a sale.

Some couples sell their home. Others decide that one person will “buy-out” the other person’s equity in the property. Still others continue to own the home jointly for a period of time. Each option has positive and negative consequences and numerous decisions that must be made about how it will take place. A mediator can facilitate a conversation the helps couples stay open to possibilities while exploring options and thinking through decisions. Contact a mediator today at 585-244-2444 or [email protected].

Parents often have conflict about how to pay for their children’s college education and those who are divorcing wonder if there is prescribed formula for the payment of college expenses. While the New York State Child Supports Standards Act recognizes that education is an add on expense (something that is above and beyond every day expenses), there is no formula.

Every family’s values are different regarding higher education and each family arrives at their own agreement. For example, some families agree that each parent will pay a set dollar amount per year, others to pay for a 2-year school and re-evaluate, others expect their child to contribute by paying one-third of the total cost through work and student loans, others feel the child should be 100% responsible, and others agree to pay a full ride wherever the child is accepted. These are only a few examples and the possibilities are as varied as the family. Some things you might consider are:

*As a married couple, did you intend to pay for college or not?

*If you planned to help with college, was there a limit to how much you could or would pay?

*If monies for college are set aside and there was a plan in place to continue saving during the marriage, how might that change as the result of a separation or divorce?

*If you have no savings in place and a mountain of debt, is it realistic to expect to pay for your children’s college education?

Whatever you decide, it is helpful for the child to know in advance what the plans are. That way, if he or she wants to begin working and saving during high school or attend a trade school or two-year college to save money, they will be prepared. You may even want to tell your child about fundraising ideas for college, many fundraising platforms see campaigns created by children and young adults wishing to gain financial help for a college education. This may be something that could help you and your child pay those tuition fees.

Your mediator can help facilitate this discussion whether you are married, divorcing, or divorced. Call for an appointment today at 585-244-2444 or email [email protected].

Sometimes, in a conflict it can seem easier to just give up or give in. Yet many of us regret that choice. This is especially true when going through a divorce. Decisions made now will impact you and your family for the rest of your life. It is important to carefully think through the long-term consequences of decisions and stand up for what you want. At the same time, you don’t want to bully the other person into giving you everything you want at the expense of his or her needs. This is especially true if you’ll have an on-going relationship as parents or with friends.

Weighing up your decision on whether or not to get a divorce could be draining to your mental health and that of those around you. Sometimes all it may take is to speak with some divorce lawyers in your area who will be able to discuss all of your options with you, so you know what will be involved if this is the route that you decide to take. There are many things that you can consider doing before having to think about divorce as a final option.

Here are some tips to get your needs met while staying open to your spouse’s needs:

-If conflict scares you, do everything you can to be in control. Pick the time and place of the meeting, be well fed, wear comfortable clothing, rehearse in your head what you will say, how you will say it, what you think the likely response will be from your spouse, and how you will calmly respond.

-If you usually give in, determine your bottom line in advance. If you know your spouse is going to ask for more than you are willing to give, start by acknowledging his or her request, then outline your feelings and needs and ask for a little more than your bottom line. It is easier to give in a little if there is some wiggle room.

-Choose your battles. Sometimes it is worth it to give up smaller things in the interest of moving forward. Decide in advance which items are not as important and concede here and there to keep things moving forward. This will help you reference your flexibility when negotiating becomes more difficult.

-When all else fails, blame someone else. A good mediator will encourage her clients to seek a consult with separate attorneys. Many clients are reluctant to do this because of costs or fear of litigation, but being informed helps you negotiate more effectively. It also allows you to say “your attorney” advised you not to settle for less. This can take some heat off you and help empower you to get a fair settlement. That said, don’t feel like you have to do everything your attorney says. After all, this is your life and what is important is what you want and need, not the law.

The mediator can help to facilitate your conversation and manage the strong emotions that may come up. Call today to schedule an appointment at 585-244-2444 or email us at [email protected].

It’s not unusual for couples who are separating to have thought about and maybe even agreed about some of their assets or liabilities, things like what to do with the house or how they’ll pay a credit card. It can feel unnecessary and like extra work to then have to find all the information about the value of every account, write it down, and talk it through. Yet, what may feel like a waste of time can actually save time and money in the long run.

Why? For one thing, you may not be aware of all the options. For another, making decisions without complete information can leave you unhappy with those decisions in the long run.

Here’s an example. If I told you that I really didn’t want your pension, you could keep it because I have a 401(k) of my own, that might seem reasonable. If, after the divorce, I find out that your pension will pay you $25,000 a year for the rest of your life, while I only have $86,000 in my 401(k), I’m likely to question my decision. Even invested at a good rate, I will never have the equivalent of $25,000 a year for life. If I had full information at the time of the divorce and still chose to waive my right to your pension, that was my choice and I have to live with it. If I didn’t have the information, conflict may ensue.

Part of the process of divorcing is identifying all of the marital assets and liabilities and gathering documentation. Working with a mediator can make the process less onerous as the mediator talks through each item with you and your spouse and provides worksheets to help you gather what is needed. It may feel overwhelming at times, but the decisions you make at the time of divorce will affect you the rest of your life. It is worth it to slow down and do it right.

For parents, attorneys, mediators and anyone else that has an interest in Child Support and Temporary Maintenance calculations there have been changes effective January 31, 2014.  These changes are required by the statute to occur every year on January 31^st.

The new income levels that may affect the amount of a child support obligation are as follows:

• Combined Parental Income Amount: $141,000
• Self-Support Reserve: $15,755
• Poverty Income Guidelines Amount (single person): $11,670

You can find the New York State Child Support Standards Chart online at  https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/pdfs/cssa_2013.pdf .  This chart is released each year around April 1.  The chart that is currently posted is the 2013 chart and does not include the new income levels referenced above.  You should check online for the new chart in April.

The new Income Cap under the Temporary Maintenance Guidelines has been adjusted from $524,000 to $543,000.  You can find revisions to the Temporary Maintenance Worksheet at http://www.courts.state.ny.us/divorce/TMG-Worksheet.PDF and the changes have also been made to the Temporary Maintenance Calculator which is found at http://www.courts.state.ny.us/divorce/calculator.pdf

It is important to note that the application of these guidelines may vary depending the particular facts of each case.  The Court may deviate from these guidelines depending on the circumstances of each case as it is presented.  Parties who choose mediation, collaborative law or who negotiate a settlement through attorneys may reach any agreement that varies from the strict application of these guidelines. [author_info]Julie V. Mersereau, Esq. is a Divorce Mediator and Collaborative Law Attorney with offices at the Mediation Center.

There are spouses who wonder whether they need a mediator to help them with a divorce, or whether they can do it on their own. You can go to ‘do-it-yourself’ divorce websites online and create an agreement that you can file in court. Do I recommend it? The reality is that there is so much at stake in terms of the future financial stability of each party and the needs of any minor children of the marriage, that as an experienced mediator I would not recommend it.

The lack of knowledge of applicable laws and factors considered by the courts in determining the terms of a divorce can leave critical details unaddressed. Very few people who don’t work in the field have an accurate understanding of NY State’s Equitable Distribution and Child and Spousal Support standards and calculations and how they are applied. The filing process itself must be done properly.

But even beyond those major areas, there are many other things that should be addressed in order to avoid future conflict or hardship. Can either of you really afford to keep the house? Are you covering support payments with life insurance or other assets? Do you understand the tax implications of different assets, debts and support? If you have children, what if one of you wants to move away from the area? How will you handle new relationships parents may have and how it will effect the children? Who pays for children’s medical insurance, non-covered medical expenses and daycare?

The list of things that go into creating a solid divorce agreement is lengthy, and while your desire to be amicable is of great benefit to everyone in the family, the reality is, that without a mediator providing you with information and helping you have some conversations about what will really work best for each of your future lives, you may forfeit your legal rights or end up with an agreement that causes financial hardship, or simply doesn’t serve you and your children well in the future.