How do you know when it’s time to pull the plug on an unhappy relationship? No, it’s not the first minute or time you’re unhappy. Relationships have ups and downs, and go in cycles, sometimes are happier and better than others. There are a few factors to consider, and you still may be second guessing yourself:
- Either of you are unfaithful, or you wish your spouse would have an affair (so you could leave and make it their fault) or you’re thinking of having an affair. Either or both of you are not getting what you need, physically or emotionally, if you’re looking to other people.
- If you didn’t have kids, you would’ve broken up long ago. The kids need positive role models of happy adults, so that’s what they can grow up to be. Your kids will learn what they are meant to do, based upon what you actually do.
- When you have different lives and don’t spend time together. Unless you look forward to spending time together no matter what you’re doing (or even if you’re doing nothing), you’re not partnered up right. Happily remarried, I definitely look forward to spending time with my husband, even if it’s just watching a great show or going to the grocery store. With the first guy, I avoided it at all costs.
- You bicker or fight constantly. What are you not saying that needs to be said? Bickering and fighting can be a sign of a deeper, more significant issue. Sometimes what you really want to say is, “I’m done.” If that’s the case, take a hard look at saying that, instead of continuing down the path you’re on.
- Someone has a drug or alcohol addiction and they refuse to get help. Addiction is a strong word, so let’s start with this: if you need a glass of wine to “deal with your day,” that could be a problem. I want the occasional glass of wine and some chocolate, I don’t need it. If your spouse or partner drinks or does drugs daily, heavily, then you need to take a hard look and make some tough decisions, as this is the model your kids see. Recommending them to go to one of the many alcohol treatment centers could be a great step in the right direction, to allow them to focus on getting better and work on their addiction in a safe space. If they refuse any help then you and the kids should always come first.
By all means, if it’s time for your relationship to end, end it; both for yourself, and if you have them, for your kids.
Huffington Post 2014
A good divorce is better than a bad marriage……
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