Month: June 2014

A GOOD DIVORCE IS BETTER THAN A BAD MARRIAGE….How do you know when it’s time to pull the plug?

couple arguing in front of childHow do you know when it’s time to pull the plug on an unhappy relationship? No, it’s not the first minute or time you’re unhappy. Relationships have ups and downs, and go in cycles, sometimes are happier and better than others. There are a few factors to consider, and you still may be second guessing yourself:

  • Either of you are unfaithful, or you wish your spouse would have an affair (so you could leave and make it their fault) or you’re thinking of having an affair. Either or both of you are not getting what you need, physically or emotionally, if you’re looking to other people.
  • If you didn’t have kids, you would’ve broken up long ago. The kids need positive role models of happy adults, so that’s what they can grow up to be. Your kids will learn what they are meant to do, based upon what you actually do.
  • When you have different lives and don’t spend time together. Unless you look forward to spending time together no matter what you’re doing (or even if you’re doing nothing), you’re not partnered up right. Happily remarried, I definitely look forward to spending time with my husband, even if it’s just watching a great show or going to the grocery store. With the first guy, I avoided it at all costs.
  • You bicker or fight constantly. What are you not saying that needs to be said? Bickering and fighting can be a sign of a deeper, more significant issue. Sometimes what you really want to say is, “I’m done.” If that’s the case, take a hard look at saying that, instead of continuing down the path you’re on.
  • Someone has a drug or alcohol addiction and they refuse to get help. Addiction is a strong word, so let’s start with this: if you need a glass of wine to “deal with your day,” that could be a problem. I want the occasional glass of wine and some chocolate, I don’t need it. If your spouse or partner drinks or does drugs daily, heavily, then you need to take a hard look and make some tough decisions, as this is the model your kids see. Recommending them to go to one of the many alcohol treatment centers could be a great step in the right direction, to allow them to focus on getting better and work on their addiction in a safe space. If they refuse any help then you and the kids should always come first.

By all means, if it’s time for your relationship to end, end it; both for yourself, and if you have them, for your kids.

Huffington Post 2014

A good divorce is better than a bad marriage……

If it is time to end your relationship and you want a process that is more amicable and saves you time and money, consider mediation. The better option for separation or divorce. If would like to know what to do next, give me a call at 585-269-8140 or send me an email: [email protected].

All calls are confidential and I am happy to answer all your questions.


If we already agree, why do we need to write it down?

"WHY?" Letter Collage (questions explanations help support how)It’s not unusual for couples who are separating to have thought about and maybe even agreed about some of their assets or liabilities, things like what to do with the house or how they’ll pay a credit card. It can feel unnecessary and like extra work to then have to find all the information about the value of every account, write it down, and talk it through. Yet, what may feel like a waste of time can actually save time and money in the long run.

Why? For one thing, you may not be aware of all the options. For another, making decisions without complete information can leave you unhappy with those decisions in the long run.

Here’s an example. If I told you that I really didn’t want your pension, you could keep it because I have a 401(k) of my own, that might seem reasonable. If, after the divorce, I find out that your pension will pay you $25,000 a year for the rest of your life, while I only have $86,000 in my 401(k), I’m likely to question my decision. Even invested at a good rate, I will never have the equivalent of $25,000 a year for life. If I had full information at the time of the divorce and still chose to waive my right to your pension, that was my choice and I have to live with it. If I didn’t have the information, conflict may ensue.

Part of the process of divorcing is identifying all of the marital assets and liabilities and gathering documentation. Working with a mediator can make the process less onerous as the mediator talks through each item with you and your spouse and provides worksheets to help you gather what is needed. It may feel overwhelming at times, but the decisions you make at the time of divorce will affect you the rest of your life. It is worth it to slow down and do it right.

University of Rochester Strong EAP Companies

Strong EAP is now offering referrals for mediation services to their employees. Divorce and Family Mediation Services has been selected to be one of those providers. Strong EAP and Divorce and Family Mediation Services, Inc. are offering these services at a 10% discount for employees.

Mediation is the preferred option for couples separating or divorcing as well as for families needing help resolving different areas of conflict including financial, emotional and behavioral issues. This may include parent/child issues, sibling issues and relationship issues for couples who wish to stay together and work on things.

A mediator is a neutral third party who is professionally trained in conflict resolution skills to help facilitate your discussions. Mediation helps you reach agreements without using attorneys for decision making or going to court; saving you time, money and stress. This allows you, not an attorney or judge, to make decisions that impact your life.


  • Less Expensive – a mediated divorce/separation can be less than half the cost of a litigated divorce or separation.
  • Less Time-consuming – the mediation process can be done in weeks with 3-4, 1 ½ hour sessions.
  • Less Stressful – you make the decisions that matter to you most working cooperatively together to come up with an equitable agreement
  • Confidential and Voluntary


  • Tools for resolving conflict.
  • Facilitated conversations with a trained conflict resolution specialist, in a private, safe place.
  • Future focused, solution based conversations and solutions.
  • Resolution from short term sessions with long term improvements for relationships of all kinds.
  • Facilitated discussions for people who want to improve relationships in their lives.

Schedule your one hour, no obligation consultation today. Mediation is confidential and voluntary. Come and see how mediation can benefit you.

(585) 269-8140
[email protected]


Taking the first step towards a separation or divorce can be very scary. If you are reading this, you are on your way to exploring your options for a separation or divorce. Making a change, no matter what it is, can seem overwhelming and there is so much fear of the unknown that we all have.

What will life be like if you aren’t with your spouse anymore? What about the kids? How will we get by? These are very difficult questions to answer. Our job is to walk you through the steps and answer the questions that will help you though this transition and help you lay the groundwork for life after separation or divorce. We, as mediators, do not make the decisions for you, rather we provide you with the information you need to make good decisions. We make sure you cover everything that needs to be covered for a divorce or separation. Everything from parenting schedules to finances and distribution of assets/liabilities.

If you are ready to take the first step or think you are ready, email us at [email protected] or call us at 585-244-2444.

All calls are confidential. You can speak directly with a mediator and decide if you would like to set-up an initial consultation. This first meeting is information only and will help you decide if mediation is right for you and your spouse.