GETTING WHAT YOU NEED WHEN DIVORCING
Sometimes, in a conflict it can seem easier to just give up or give in. Yet many of us regret that choice. This is especially true when going through a divorce. Decisions made now will impact you and your family for the rest of your life. It is important to carefully think through the long-term consequences of decisions and stand up for what you want. At the same time, you don’t want to bully the other person into giving you everything you want at the expense of his or her needs. This is especially true if you’ll have an on-going relationship as parents or with friends.
Weighing up your decision on whether or not to get a divorce could be draining to your mental health and that of those around you. Sometimes all it may take is to speak with some divorce lawyers in your area who will be able to discuss all of your options with you, so you know what will be involved if this is the route that you decide to take. There are many things that you can consider doing before having to think about divorce as a final option.
Here are some tips to get your needs met while staying open to your spouse’s needs:
-If conflict scares you, do everything you can to be in control. Pick the time and place of the meeting, be well fed, wear comfortable clothing, rehearse in your head what you will say, how you will say it, what you think the likely response will be from your spouse, and how you will calmly respond.
-If you usually give in, determine your bottom line in advance. If you know your spouse is going to ask for more than you are willing to give, start by acknowledging his or her request, then outline your feelings and needs and ask for a little more than your bottom line. It is easier to give in a little if there is some wiggle room.
-Choose your battles. Sometimes it is worth it to give up smaller things in the interest of moving forward. Decide in advance which items are not as important and concede here and there to keep things moving forward. This will help you reference your flexibility when negotiating becomes more difficult.
-When all else fails, blame someone else. A good mediator will encourage her clients to seek a consult with separate attorneys. Many clients are reluctant to do this because of costs or fear of litigation, but being informed helps you negotiate more effectively. It also allows you to say “your attorney” advised you not to settle for less. This can take some heat off you and help empower you to get a fair settlement. That said, don’t feel like you have to do everything your attorney says. After all, this is your life and what is important is what you want and need, not the law.
The mediator can help to facilitate your conversation and manage the strong emotions that may come up. Call today to schedule an appointment at 585-244-2444 or email us at [email protected]