Telling Your Spouse You Want to Divorce

Deciding to divorce is a very personal choice and figuring out how to tell your spouse can be difficult. Here are some things to consider:

  • Select a time and place to talk when you are both well-rested, well-fed, and free from interruption or distractions;
  • If you have children, make sure they will not be present and allow enough of time with them away to fully have this important discussion, as well as to recover somewhat;
  • Rehearse what you will say and how you will say it;
  • Take responsibility for your own decision, using “I” statements;
  • Keep blame out of the conversation–you are trying to move forward, not backward;
  • You know your spouse very well, so imagine the reactions you might receive and prepare in advance for how you will handle them;
  • Work with a counselor to consider how you will feel when your spouse reacts and how you can manage those emotions.

Mediation can help to minimize the negative impacts associated with divorce. When you and your spouse are ready, working with a mediator can help to minimize conflict and keep the focus on your children and outcomes that will work for the whole family moving forward.

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