Parenting Your Children After Divorce
“What children of divorce most want and need is to maintain healthy and strong relationships with both of their parents, and to be shielded from their parents’ conflicts. Some parents, however, in an effort to bolster their parental identity, create an expectation that children choose sides. In more extreme situations, they foster the child’s rejection of the other parent. In the most extreme cases, children are manipulated by one parent to hate the other, despite children’s innate desire to love and be loved by both their parents.”
Excerpt from The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children Published on April 24, 2013 by Edward Kruk, Ph.D. in Co-Parenting After Divorce
Experts recognize the benefit of Children continuing to have loving relationships with both parents after a divorce. This continuation of (or even the beginning of more involved) parental relationships is a key factor in the security and happiness of children after divorce, who often have complex concerns about their futures. Some of their concerns arise when children fear that one or both parents don’t love them anymore, and worry they will be abandoned, just as they have witnessed the parent’s love for each other go away. Children may feel responsible for the divorce, especially if parenting styles have been a cause of conflict between the couple. Children see themselves as a part of each parent, so negative words or actions directed at one parent by the other have the effect of hurting the children as well.
You might find that to make it easy to look after your children after the divorce, that by hiring a nanny or an au pair could greatly benefit you and help your children feel more stable in this sort of situation. There has been an increase in popularity for people becoming an au pair, particularly as it is so easy for young people to apply for the role through sites like Cultural Care Au Pair. However, despite it being easy for people to get this sort of role, as a parent you have to decide if this would help you and your children through the divorce and whether it would be a good idea or not.
It is the relationship with your spouse or partner that you are ending. As hard as it is when you may be feeling a lot of negative emotion towards your soon-to-be-Ex, it is important for you to separate those feelings from your parenting responsibilities. Take care not to involve your children in adult issues that they can’t understand. Your children need both of you in the time of divorce, and if you find you can’t get past your feelings about your spouse or partner, reach out to professional help that is available through school counselors, family and child therapists, religious leaders, divorce coaches and support groups. This is why divorce is such a sensitive procedure. Those going through it might want to get in touch with solicitors who are experienced in family law, like PETERS AND MAY, who may be able to make the whole thing can go as smooth as possible.
Mediating your divorce at The Mediation Center provides the opportunity for you to create two separate but comparable households where your children will share time with each parent, with routines set through a parenting schedule that truly works in the best interest of the children. Your agreement addresses the financial concerns of each household, and the process also helps you continue to communicate and work together to the best of your ability, which will be key in parenting your children together in a way that helps them recover from the divorce. To set up a consultation with a mediator, call 585-244-2444.
