Who’s getting ‘divorced’ with you?

   When you decide that staying in a marriage or long-term relationship is no longer healthy or possible, you realize that you are ending a relationship with your spouse or partner. Who else is getting divorced with you?

Of course if you have children, you realize it will be difficult for them. They will be ‘divorced’ from having a two-parent home. If both parents move to new homes, they will be ‘divorced’ from the home they are used to. They may be ‘divorced’ from friends who live in their current neighborhood and the school they were attending. They may also be getting ‘divorced’ from their ballet class, soccer team, boy or girl scout troop, etc. They will be ‘divorced’ from the security of having parents who care for them jointly.

Your parents and in-laws may be getting ‘divorced’ from the other spouse/partner. They may also be getting ‘divorced’ from their grandchildren in terms of the holidays, vacations and other times they previously shared.

You and your spouse/partner’s mutual friends may well end up being ‘divorced’ from one or the other of you because they find it too hard to maintain a friendship with both.

In certain religions where divorce is not readily accepted, you may be getting ‘divorced’ from that religious community.

None of these are reasons for you not to end the relationship, but all of them need to be thought through, so that new support systems can be put in place, new activities scheduled for children, new holiday traditions implemented, and new friends made—for everyone involved in your divorce.